Posts Tagged ‘national budget’

Dear Leader Has Spoken

April 13, 2011

Did you get the chance to listen to Dear Leader today? What a great orator. He made everything so clear. He summed up his position so concisely. I now understand what we must do. And now, I’m going to try to relate that to you. You see, we’ve been looking at this all wrong. Maybe the best way to describe it to you is to give my original position first.

You see, I always thought that you had a certain amount of money and you adjusted your living style to fit that level of income. Or better yet, you toned it down just a notch so you could actually get ahead. Man, was I stupid. Now I clearly see the light. What a fool I have been. Now if you’re sitting there thinking that I may have been correct before, you really need to listen to this. Then, you too, will become a liberal.

First, you look at what you would like to do. Perhaps go on 61 vacations in two years. Or become the biggest philanthropist in the world. Then, and only then, I mean once you have a kind of crystal clear vision of all the things you want and would like to do this year, you determine how much money you will need to do it.

Now that we have a figure in mind we will take a look at the kind of cash we have on hand to do these things. OH! Bad deal, you say? Not so, and here’s why. Now we get out the plastic. Credit cards. We see how much we can get there. That should cover it. But if it doesn’t there are still no worries. We just get the credit card company on the phone and let them know that we will probably be going a bit over this year, but we are sure we can make those minimum payments. That should do it. Now we’re ready to party.

No. Really. This is how they think things work. Oh. There is one more little thing. As our minimum payments may be going up a bit we will need to generate a little more income so we might have to take up welfare fraud or check kiteing. I don’t believe that I’ve ever heard the communist position summed up so concisely. Oh yeah, there it is. You knew where I was going with this. But wait! It gets better.

In the gubmint version of this scenario we don’t even have to find the extra income. All income is produced by taking money from the peasants. This is the scary part of the whole thing. He actually believes that the gubmint is responsible for all the wealth. He doesn’t realize that money is just paper and ink until it is earned. When you just print money, even if it’s real, and buy back our securities from China, it devalues every other dollar out there because it hasn’t been earned. In other words, it wasn’t really needed. Now, when you force people to earn the money it just isn’t worth as much. Just like communist money. Isn’t that strange? Until next time, screw environmentalists.

Yes We Can

April 11, 2011

A guy walks into a bar and the bartender says, “How long would it take John Boehner to cave if three idiots dragged him down to their level?”  And the guy says, “Just before gubmint shutdown.”

WHAT THE HECK (WTH) HAPPENED? Were we perhaps unclear about cutting the budget? (He said, still looking for that sarcasm font.) I don’t think $500 billion would have been unreasonable at all but I do think Boehner might need to return to his former job vacuuming ashtrays at the car wash. Maybe we can help him out with that come November 2012. Now they’re talking $5 a gallon gas by Memorial Day. WTH? I’m just sick and tired of the whole thing. I will not buy into it  any more. Instead of fearing the increase and trying to find ways to cut my fuel consumption, I’m going to find ways to keep more of my money so I can buy even more fuel. Screw these jerks. So, here’s my new battle cry, “YES WE CAN!” Yeah, I know it’s been done, but not in this context. From now on I will consciously try to use more. This is America and Rush Limbaugh is right, I will not apologize for who I am or my culture.

I grew up with fast cars and cheap fuel. The cars were built by people who made things with their own hands. The fuel came from people who worked hard and played hard and got a good days wage for a good days work. For some gay reason this is changing  and I’m sounding the warning right now. Yeah, it’s not “some gay reason” it’s limp-wristed, left-leaning leaders selling us down the river. Limp-wristed, left-leaners like Boehner. That, and everybody wants to be a dot-com millionaire. Nobody knows how to, or wants to, work for a living anymore. No matter how good that living may be, they would rather have food stamps and gubmint cheese given to them by me and the other three people working out there.

Honestly it’s the “no drilling” crowd that’s screwing us. If you don’t do something now you won’t be cruising later. Gas prices are just the outward sign of what is happening to our culture. Wayne’s World sucked cruising in a Pacer but you know what would suck even worse? Cruising in a Leaf. Boehner and the rest of the limp-wristers are giving our culture away. To the delight of Soros, Obama, and the rest of the sour foreigners out there who hate us.

Hey folks. I am not without a plan. We need to start making things again. We need to start producing things again. We need to make it a bad thing to own foreign scrap again. We need to make the American product the quality product again. Not the ‘inflated price because we are supporting a bunch of bully’s calling themselves a union’ product. Yeah. I said that. There it is, the elephant in the room. I pointed it out. Now get it the heck out of here before it drops more stool. Take the unions, the limp-wristers, and the no drillers out of the equation and we start winning again. Yes we can. Until next time, screw environmentalists.