School Zone

By Rick Schroeder

In the great State of Florida the speed limit in school zones is 20 mph. Really. You go from sometimes as much as 50 mph to 20 mph. So I’m driving by one the other day and the school is way back. Maybe 200 feet off the road. And people are hanging out everywhere guiding the little darlings into the building for a daily dose of liberalism. So I’m wondering, why am I going 20 mph when these kids would have to launch an all out assault to get anywhere near the road. And it comes to me. People. The parents. These people are so stupid that they can’t merge smoothly into the flow of traffic.

OK, right now you’re saying I’m an idiot but here’s a test. The next time you go to WalMart watch the people in the parking lot for a while. Watch the ones walking. Are they oblivious or what? Are the ones driving any sharper? Is it not a wonder that there aren’t mass deaths in WalMart’s parking lot every day. Maybe there are and the evil corporation is hiding it from us.

Is that the end of it? Oh no. In Detroit they have these acceleration ramps to get onto the freeway. I’m sure they have them everywhere but Detroit is the only place I have witnessed this. Driver A turns onto the ramp from the surface street and begins to accelerate down the ramp. He gets to the end and decides he can’t merge so he stops dead. Allowing Driver B to pile into the back of him at 50+ mph. I’m not kidding here. It used to happen every day at least once. I saw it. In Driver A’s defence there are some ramps in Detroit that have traffic signals at the bottom so you have to stop. I don’t know, go figure. I always ran them.

When I first moved to Florida I worked for an engineer in the roadway maintenance department near Tampa. If you have ever been to an urban area in Florida you may have noticed that almost all the streets are boulevards. They have a median to separate the opposing traffic flows. When I left Michigan there weren’t too many boulevards, I don’t know now. As a result I found it cumbersome to drive. Always having to go past where I wanted to go and find a turn around and come back. Why don’t they just have left turn lanes instead of all those medians. When I asked the engineer why this was he told me they would drive right into each other if we didn’t. I could not believe it but he patiently explained that Florida has a lot of retirees from other States with differing traffic patterns as well as foreigners with no traffic patterns. I have since come to accept that as the truth.

On top of this they like to make a left turn onto the roadway into the left turn lane and then sit there with their right turn signal on trying to get into traffic. Or worse yet they kind of ease along looking backwards for a break. They are technically making a right turn out of the left turn lane. I have seen tickets issued for this. I have also seen cops doing it.

My final shot here is what some call left lane drivers. Listen up Sport. If you’re in the left lane you’re supposed to be passing. Not camped out next to the car in the right lane so Grandpa taking Grandma to the hospital has to get ugly with you. Don’t say a thing, I see it every morning. You could at least do the speed limit. I guess what I’m asking here is have people really become this stupid? I guess Barack didn’t elect himself, did he?

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