Archive for February 18th, 2011

The Cause Pt.1

February 18, 2011

The story begins a couple hundred years ago. Fed up with flakey rulers and cheap despots some guys decided to take matters into their own hands and create a country. After several beers and carefully considering all forms of gubmint (Actually, I’m lying here. Not about the beers, ask Sam. Sam Adams was there. About considering other forms of gubmint.) they decided on a constitutional republic. What that means is certain rules will be laid out in a document known as a constitution. These rules are how the gubmint will be run. Period. To change those rules would take the infamous ‘act of Congress’ and then some. In starting their new country the men rejected all other forms of gubmint, including communism, kingdoms, and dictatorships.

It wasn’t long before two-bit dictators, insane kings and blood thirsty commies from all over the world began to see how this ‘freedom’ thing might affect their sweet deals. The kings, dictators, and commies didn’t like it. What was worse is that the men had made sure in their Constitution that the people of the country would be armed citizens instead of unarmed peasants, so the kings, dictators, and commies could not just move in and take over. In order to conquer the country the would be invaders began a program of sending progressives to the country to infiltrate its ranks and weaken it.

In the communist land of Overcastistan, where the sun only broke through the clouds for two hours a year the landscape was depressing. The trees, some kind of poplar, would struggle all year and then spring forth for that two hours and bear leaves then drop them and return to their barren look. The people of Overcastistan would grind the bark into a fine powder and make gruel out of it. That’s what they lived on. Royce and Hempha were two of the people of Overcastistan chosen to be sent to infiltrate the country.

The people of the country did not pay too much attention to the progressives when they first arrived. They were ridiculed and laughed at for their radical behavior and communist ideas but the progressives persevered. Over the course of a few generations they integrated themselves into society. With much fanagaling they managed to open some universities and community colleges and began the arduous task of dumbing down the populace and reeducating the young to bring them around to the progressive way of thinking. They developed a plan where they dressed real hip with patches on their sleeves and roman sandals. And they championed stuff like homosexuality and dope. This made them appear “cool” to the kids. For a couple of generations the progressives operated in this fashion, they even got a few of themselves elected to public office and began changing the Constitution of the country but they never really got what they needed. We’ll stop here for now, until next time, screw environmentalists.